On Security

What is security? Is it knowing what’s to come with some sense of control? What is insecurity? Feeling vulnerable, unstable, full of change.

I think we look for security, a sense of normalcy and stability in our daily life, to avoid scary feelings. We find a way of life that feels safe until that safety becomes common place, habitual, even if it’s not good for us.

When we take our security from external sources we say this thing is unchanging and then get mad, frustrated, clingy when such an external source can’t live up to our expectations.

When we take our security from a way of life, we start to cling to that way of life stagnating change. We fail to look at our habits and say these aren’t good for me, they no longer serve me; we are unable to let go. Instead we get mad, depressed or frustrated that our situation isn’t what we want it to be.

It’s scary to let go of control, even if it’s only perceived. It means we open ourselves up to the vulnerability of failure, of getting hurt, of loss, but in the end I think we allow ourselves a more fuller life. We can take steps to get out of situations that don’t serve us, we can end relationships that are toxic, we can leave that job or move to that place we’ve always wanted to.

I’m not saying to end things or change things simply to do so. If it feels right it probably is, but so many of us are stuck in habitual ways of life that decrease our happiness because we fear losing what we have, security, control, I know what’s coming my way even if I don’t like it.

Yet in the end we really have no control over what can happen, we can still be afraid, hurt or lose.

We can stagnate or we can grow. We can live in the bubble that says I am not good enough, confident enough, lovable enough to live the life I want or we can open up to the vulnerability that is change, instability, insecurity and realize that we were enough all along.