The other day I wrote this poem:
Maybe if I stuck to something long enough
instead of running away
or thinking happiness was somewhere else,
I could trust myself.
With this poem I realized something. Trusting yourself is about planting the seeds of that trust through action. Every promise you make to yourself whether it is to treat yourself with kindness or show up in some capacity to create something in your life, relies on your commitment to act in accordance with that promise.
Trust is not a given. It is earned, over time and with consistency. Trust is showing up everyday. or almost every day — or as often as possible in the way that you’ve committed to. Routines are built off of trust. Habits are built out of trust. Knowing you can do it, whatever it is, is a belief built out of trust.
I think it is safe to say that if we can all let ourselves down a lot when it comes to trust
Trusting Yourself is hard
We have to acknowledge that trusting ourselves is hard. Showing up everyday, or almost everyday or as often as possible in committed action takes immense energy. Whether that energy is physical, mental, or spiritual, that thing you want to do, no matter how important, takes resources.
It’s also scary — trust. To stand in the face of learned ways of relating to yourself or the world around you, to go against what others think is best for you, or what at one time was in fact best for you is to throw yourself into the unknown and leave some of what you hope to accomplish up to chance.
All of this difficulty points to a sustainability required to trust. To allocate your energy appropriately is hard and to treat yourself with compassion on the inevitable road of process may be even harder. Trust must allow for deep listening to what we need. We do not show up only through forward moving action. We show up through pauses and detours and rest. True trust leaves room for being human and knowing that even in the face of failure, hardship or shame you will be supported. You will still show up everyday, or almost every day or as often as possible for yourself with kindness.